Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let me welcome you to my {She-Hulk-Out} moments I had this weekend. You know, I am a very very very nice person.

But not with rude house guests.

Allow me to explain…

I have a close friend that moved away about 2 years ago. We used to hang out all the time, she even lived with us for a while. She cooked, cleaned, helped unpack our moving boxes, gave us furniture, a lot of really nice things! My bff even liked her, which is a very rare thing. She moved far away but we always kept in touch.  I was super excited when she called me a couple months ago and said she would be in town. I offered to have her stay with us and looked forward to doing all the usual fun stuff we used to do.

I picked her up at almost midnight and brought her to our place. We talked until almost 2, which isn’t so bad for me but the Hulkster was a zombie the next day. I went to a doctor’s appointment, got back, sat, and waited. She slept until 12:30pm. I gave her a break because she was after all on central time, but I thought it was odd. We went to lunch, and the whole time I was thinking, “Why is she talking so poorly about this place?” It wasn’t just the place, but the people, the food, the friends that we both knew. Saying very strong and hurtful statements, I decided that she must be tired. Or cranky, or something.

I texted my bff to let her know she was here and I was told she felt strange because she never responded to my guest’s group facebook message.

ME: What facebook message?

BFF: You know, the one where she was asking if she could meet with people to support her fundraising?

ME: HUH?!

Grrr…

Apparently she didn’t really come to visit. She wanted to ask people for money. Sure it was nice she has friends here, because she could then hit them up too. Kill two birds with one stone. It ended up very awkward because everyone else knew this, except me. By the time I dropped her off at the airport, I had collected very meticulously in my head all the things I need to make clear with my next house guest. Because apparently they are not obvious to some people. So without further ado

My House Guest Rules: Which may or may not have loaded rules…

1. Food

  1. Do not eat copious amounts of food. Unless you bring you own, the owner is trying her best to fed your crazy large appetite. If you happen to polish off the last half of the tortilla chip bag, please replace it.
  2. Try to chew quietly, don’t lick your fingers, use a napkin
  3. If the owner offers you homemade blueberry pancakes, eat them. Don’t eat your granola bar instead.
  4. Pay for your meals.  Even if you don’t end up paying for anything, at least offer.
  5. If the owner makes you chocolate chip cookies to take with you on your way, take them. Don’t leave them next to a pile of dirty dishes

Getting angry…

2. Tidying Up

  1. Do not leave your toiletries on the sink, especially if you share a bathroom
  2. Do not leave a wet towel on the wood table in your room
  3. Do not leave your random things in common living areas where people walk
  4. Do not take the charger of the computer the owner is using to charge their computer and use it without asking
  5. Offer to do the dishes. Especially if they make a specialty: Chicken Tacos

Starting to rage…

I’ll share the recipe sometime, but back to my complaining rules…

3. Conduct

  1. Do not go into the owner’s bedroom to wake her and her husband up. (Thank goodness it was a chilly night so we had the covers on the bed! TMI yes, but it might save your and my sanity one day) If you must: call, text, or I don’t know, KNOCK?!
  2. Tell the owners where you will be going. Don’t disappear and ignore concerned texts to only show up an hour after dinner is over. Being an introvert is one thing, it is another to leave everyone confused.
  3. Use the coasters provided for you
  4. Make your bed when you leave, because it then becomes the owner’s bed again
  5. Don’t turn up your nose to the owner’s pets. It makes the owner want to punch you in the face.
  6. Don’t schedule yourself to get into a city after 9pm or before 9am. Please provide coffee or food for gratitude.
  7. Tell the owner you will be working the whole weekend if you are, they might be more understanding than you think because they were nice enough to open their home to you
  8. Don’t plan things and not follow through. These are sounding more like life lessons
  9. Don’t interrupt conversation every time someone else talks
  10. For goodness sake- be thankful and gracious

Full blown {She-Hulk-Out!}

Catch my drift? I feel used right now…sad isn’t it? I know we’ll still be friends but not in the same way we used to be. How can someone change that much?! 😦

On a better note- life can continue on like normal!

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